He is nothing short of a miracle. And the true epitome of God’s redeeming love. Even though there is so much joy that came from that day baby Grace entered the world, the darkness and pain of losing one of our own threatened to squash that joy entirely. So much that I don’t really know if I will ever be able to fully process the events of that Friday.
In a span of hours, our precious Selina went to be with Jesus….and Nam gave birth to a healthy baby boy.
I was being hit by EVERY emotion a mile a minute.
As I cried out to God on the dirty floor of the hospital I told him I don’t want to do this, I don’t want to walk this road, and I do NOT want to be this person. I was angry. Hurt. Confused.
I somehow called a boda, and got home. I made it 2 feet in the gate before bursting into tears. The news had spread to all the Mama’s by then, and we just had no words. We cried together, on the floor of the dark multisensory room. Soon Emily arrived with Selina. It’s my opinion coffins should not be made that small. We brought her on the porch for the Mama’s to say goodbye. Meanwhile, Sarah and Jess, two of our amazing volunteers held down the fort at the hospital keeping us posted on Nam and her unborn baby. Just as we were preparing to take Selina to her village, we got the call that Nam gave birth to a healthy baby boy.
I know that God could have spared Selina her life, but it was his choice to bring her home. Nothing could have changed that. And now she is in heaven, with sweet Shamim, dancing together.
Selina lived her last 8 months loved. She was valued, treasured, and seen as a precious child of Jesus. Countless people fought for her, and prayed for her. It was no mistake that she went home that day.
It is easy to praise God in the easy stuff, when things are going your way with our plans intact. Even though we had different plans for Selina, we know she was never ours. She was never her parents. She was HIS. And now she is home. Her true home. She is whole and not in pain. And for that, we can be so thankful. (And a little jealous!)
Please pray for all the hearts here at Ekisa. The kids, the staff, and the volunteers. We are all hurting and the kids are confused. Also please pray for Nam, as she is recovering from an emergency c-section.
Dear Selina,
We miss you down here. Your brothers, sisters, and mama’s wish you were still living in our home – but we keep reminding each other you are TRULY home now. I selfishly wish we could have had more time together. Even though sometimes in those car rides to all the doctors you had to see we got on each others nerves, I would give anything to be back in the car with you….you trying to kick me and me using a pillow to divert you…while the driver tells me that you aren’t in a healthy position but I just keep quiet because we both know you are only happy in the strangest positions. We had a ceremony for you and Shamim a week ago, it was beautiful. We planted trees in both of your memories. And I bet this doesn’t surprise you but Mweru has stepped on both of the trees several times. I bet you don’t miss EVERYTHING about your brothers and sisters! I know we weren’t the most conventional family, but we are so thankful we could be part of your journey on earth and love you. I can’t wait to see you in heaven baby girl. I would say I’m sorry….for not being able to do more….but we both know that there was nothing anyone could do. Jesus wanted you home. Love you, LinaLou. Can’t wait to dance with you in heaven.
Until then, with all my love,
Auntie Emily
